Okay, so where did I leave off? Oh yeah. You can see part 1 of this post where I was crying and feeling sorry for myself. I had an amazing job (albeit, one I was no longer passionate about) , was making a nice living, but I was miserable because my business had grown too large for me to manage it all. I knew I wanted to Refunk full-time but how could I give up my salary that we depended on? Could I give up my fancy title at work, my designer handbags, and pumps and trade them in for paint brushes and thrift stores on a full-time basis? I just didn’t know.
So for 6 months I mulled over the decision. Oh, and did I mention that I cried some more? And I got even more miserable? I weighed the pros and cons. I know what it takes to run a small business… on paper, anyway. I did SBA lending for Chase Bank for many years and helped many small businesses in Oklahoma City get started. I know what it takes. But could I really do it?
So I decided to go for it.
Officially, next Tuesday, June 12th 2012 will be my last day at the bank.
I have booked my schedule so full for the month of June, there is no way I can chicken out now. In the next few weeks I have 3 workshops I am teaching, attending the Haven Blog Conference in Atlanta, and participating as a vendor at Junk Hippy. It was either jump in with both feet or take 2.5 weeks of vacation. So I jumped in.
I am really excited.
I am really scared I will be on food stamps.
I think I will miss the quiet sanctuary that is my office.
I can’t wait to spend a little more time with Axton. (He will be in Mother’s Day Out 3 days/wk.)
I am worried that I will fail right in front of everyone. All 1 million blog readers, thousands of workshops students, and countless interior design and paint purchasing customers.
Mostly I am afraid of failing in front of my son and my family.
I can’t wait to see how I can grow my business when I can actually focus on it rather then giving it my left over time, which can be next to nothing sometimes.
I don’t know what God’s plan is for me. I have prayed about this decision so much. Sometimes, when I am painting furniture it feels like worship. Just me, my thoughts, and God. I ask him why he put me in this position? Is he testing my faithfulness? I’m not saying I am quitting my job because ‘God told me to do it’. I just want to make sure I am doing this for the right reasons. For unselfish ones. It would be a heck of a lot easier to just keep working and shut down Refunk My Junk.
I am just a regular person, a banker for 14 years, a girl who loves to paint and be creative, is passionate about helping people with their furniture painting projects, gets excited about making people’s homes look custom and expensive on a budget, and knows a little bit about running a small business. I am not a painting prodigy or some sort of professionally trained interior decorator. I am just me and this is my life.
There are different kinds of spiritual gifts, but the same Spirit is the source of them all. 5 There are different kinds of service, but we serve the same Lord. 6 God works in different ways, but it is the same God who does the work in all of us. 1 Corinthians 12
I don’t know what God has in store for me. I am trusting in Him and hoping for the best. (And kind of secretly expecting the worst. But that is just my personality! I can’t help it!)
Until now, I have never paid myself one dime from my business. I just kept reinvesting it back into it. To make it better. I occasionally treated myself and my Mom (who is my wonderful workshop assistant) to a pedicure and a dinner out to reward ourselves for our hard work. And that is how I knew it was my passion. I did it for FREE. Because I LOVE it.
And now I get to do what I love everyday. I get to grow something that is my own. I get to make money doing what I love. I couldn’t be more excited.
Thanks for listening to my worried little heart throw up all of this internal conflict onto my blog.
Sometimes you just gotta get it out.
I’m signing off as Allison G., Officially the President, Owner, Artist, and Instructor of Refunk My Junk, Inc.
Oh. And many times I am the janitor too.