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My name is Allison and I have breastfeeding resentment. I googled the term “breastfeeding resentment” and not much came up in the search results. This led me to believe one of two scenarios: scenario #1: Am I the only person who feels this way on the planet? or scenario #2: No one is talking about how they have breastfeeding resentment. Either way this discussion is happening here today so if you are here for furniture painting advice you may want to skim past this post and come back another day. Sometimes I sprinkle in my real life here on my blog and by “sprinkle” I mean milk talk.
I have been on both sides of the breastfeeding coin when it comes to feeding an infant. For my first baby I breastfed him until 6 months old. At the time I was working at a bank and had to pump during the day. Suddenly my supply completely dried up. I would sob in my office after only pumping 1 oz when he was eating 8oz per feeding. My pediatrician told me to nurse, feed him formula, and then pump to increase my supply. I took Fenugreek Seed Capsules 
For Shepherd (who is 4-months old right now) breastfeeding has been a breeze compared to my last go-round. He is a champ at it. I am sure it helps I have more experience under my belt. But breastfeeding is HARD. No matter what your circumstances are. And sometimes I feel sorry for myself because it means I have to miss out on some things. I rarely get to sit through an entire church service. When the TV that broadcasts the church service broke in the nursing room at church on Christmas Eve I found myself sitting alone, in the dark, on Christmas, feeling the fingers of resentment crawl all over me. I refused to go to church for three weeks until that TV was fixed. I can sit at home, in the dark, alone, and feed my baby without wasting a clean outfit and my good makeup. I realized I was in the middle of a full-blown breastfeeding pity party. During 3am feedings I found myself secretly giving my husband the stink-eye because he can’t lactate. And during growth spurts when Shep is a little parasite all day I wonder what daylight would feel like on my shoulders. Sometimes it just doesn’t seem worth it to make the effort to go out because I know I will be stuck in the driver’s seat of my car, nursing, and hoping my window tint is dark enough so the teenagers who parked next to me don’t get wind of what I’m doing in there.
Sometimes I day dream about what an uninterrupted meal would feel like.
Or what a decent bedtime is.
I am sure I will get a tongue lashing for saying this but I am fully convinced that society, the media, and some healthcare professionals try to scare moms into breastfeeding. If you feed your baby – if it’s formula or breastmilk- you are an awesome Mom.
I also want to make it clear I don’t feel any resentment towards Shepherd. He could never do any wrong in my eyes and I am certain the Lord blesses us with those motherly blinders during the infant years. I am so lucky I don’t have postpartum depression. Or a baby that doesn’t have BF difficulties. And I have a husband who does the dishes, laundry, and helps a ton. Because if one of those circumstances were thrown into the mix it would send me over edge. And by over the edge I mean calling it quits.
I am so grateful I am able to breastfeed and I really do love it 88% of the time. I am here to say if you have breastfeeding resentment at times you are not alone. I don’t always have a good attitude about it. Sometimes I do have an internal whine-fest because it does take sacrifice and commitment.
I am writing this post to let you know you are NORMAL if you don’t love breastfeeding all the time. No matter how you choose to feed your baby – being a Mom is tough – let’s all choose to at least be honest about that.
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Allison — I never had the good fortune to have kids, but I want to say that this post AND you are fabulous. That is all, well, that and a virtual hug.
Thanks Sharon! Sometimes a good vent is food for the soul.
Why don’t you just refuse to have negative thoughts like these in your mind. It’s your mind and your choice what goes into it. Be grateful instead.
Annie Challenger, That was an ugly response to Allison’s post. Of course she is grateful…she as much as said that and she loves her baby. Everyone is entitled to have negative feelings once in a while and I think she is brave to be honest about them. She certainly doesn’t need to read snarky comments from someone who doesn’t know her situation.
I guess opinions are like boobs – everyone has got them!
Her opening paragraph addressed this…she wants others to know that this feeling is normal. In her closing thoughts she said she is grateful 88% of the time. Some women feel abnormal and more depressed as new moms because they don’t have an awesome experience breastfeeding (as the media makes it sound like it ‘should be’)…and she was writing to encourage those moms. Well done. I felt BF was so hard but over time it got easier. It got easy enough that I actually BF until my daughter was 2 years 3 months….but in the beginning I didn’t know how I would make it to my goal of one year.
Alison,
Great post. You are doing a wonderful thing for your family. I’ve had 3 kids and breastfed each of them to varying times. There is way too much pressure we put on ourselves to be that perfect mother, to do the right things. In the end, the kids turn out ok no matter how much pressure we put on ourselves. Raising kids is difficult. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done. We only have 1 chance to do it right, (because of the pressure we put on ourselves), but heck, if we continue to parent, they will turn out ok.
I don’t know where this is going, as I’ve lost my train of thought! haha! I hate when that happens! Congrats on the new baby! Enjoy the babies while you still can! they grow up too fast, but sometimes not fast enough! Hang in there!
Mary T
All we can do is our best and get okay with that!
Allison I know exactly how you feel! Mine is 15 months old now and I breastfed until he was about 5 1/2 months old. It was so hard for us since he ended up back in the hospital at 3 days old and my supply never recovered. I hated how hard it was. I hated feeling like I was terrible at something that should be so “natural”. And I hated that I never got a moment to get anything done for my own sanity. I would walk through my shop and look at all the furniture I couldn’t get to and feel even more like a failure. After I had no milk left and we were on all formula, the guilt of being a failure was lifted and I was a better mom. It will get easier. Good luck.
You are so right!!!! Applause!!!! Oh the guilt especially from health care and other moms!
No matter what, you have given you little one a good start! You are successful because you love him no matter how his dinner is served!!!
You are so right!!!! Applause!!!! Oh the guilt especially from health care and other moms!
No matter what, you have given your little one a good start! You are successful because you love him no matter how his dinner is served!!!
I love your site! This breastfeeding blog caught me off guard ☺ I have 4 kids and breastfed all of them but I am currently having breastfeeding resentment for the opposite reason. I am currently trying to slowly wean my 26 month old. I never realized that the goal of breastfeeding until age 2 would be so difficult to break. My other three weaned their selves at age 2mo, 6mo, and 14mo. It is rough but not many understand.
Hi Allison. Hey, I didn’t have to read to far to know what your talking about and how you feel. I breast fed my oldest daughter for 11 months. And that was all she had. She will be 34 in April and has always been healthy and doing fine. Raising my 9 year old grandson on her own. Now my twins were different. I wasn’t one that had milk gushing out of my boobs at 40 years of age. It was more like a drip hose. At one week old, one of my twin girls had lost a pound. I was feeling like a failure, until we had a checkup with a lactation specialist. I had to start pumping both breast, same time, to try and get my milk in. I was crying so hard at the time, with a breast pump stuck to my chest, for even thinking that I could feed my babies with my boobs. When all of a sudden my humor side kicked in. God I thought, I should be on top on a building rotating like a ice cream cone. Or maybe like the dairy cow at the County Fair. Who they proudly attached a milk machine to and allowed people to walk by to observe her being milked. Soon, I was laughing through the tears. Of course I had to explain why I found double breast pumping so laughable. And the lactation specialist agreed and laughed along. Anyway, I nursed my twins and supplemented with formula till they were both about 10 months old. I lived through it. My girls are healthy and they will be 21 in August. I guess they will be hitting the bottle of a different kind then! LOL! Not really they are both actually really GOOD KIDS! I can’t complain. But I lived through being a milk maid for my children. Till this day, I still laugh at my failure and my SUCCESS! Especially when someone yells out, “whats for dinner?” I always yell back, “powdered milk!” The laughs I get in return, worth the effort of breast feeding.
Allison, my daughter and I had this conversation this week. (Her name is also Allison.) I told her it doesn’t matter if you breastfeed or feed them formula as long as you feed babies and love them, you’re doing a good job. You do the best you can, that’s all you can do. Love your honesty.
Amen Annette!!
Way to put it out there sista! You are a good momma and a wonderful girl-friend. Women need to hear this from other women. Regarding negative thoughts, I love what they say in Steel Magnolias, “If you don’t have anything nice to say… come and sit by me.”
AMEN!!!!!
I breastfed my last child (about to be 2) fora year adnd 2 weeks. I remember exactly how long because I couldn’t wait for it to be over with. I also got annoyed with breastfeeding and I dont think there’s anything wrong with speaking out about it. I did what I thought was best for my child aka breastfeeding and I definitely sacrificed for her. And guess what? We can complain but we’re still great mothers…and don’t ya know I went through all that for her to be a daddy’s baby lol.