Right before Christmas our six year old was diagnosed with ADHD and High Functioning Autism.
Devastated doesn’t even begin to describe the range of emotions this has conjured up inside my fragile little mamma heart. I spent most of Christmas break sleeping a lot and trying to acclimate to a new normal.
Sending Axton off to a Christmas party without me gave me a panic attack. This new territory is strange and unchartered for me.
I had a local blogger and friend, Dr. Lisa Marotta, give me some great advice once. She said: “Don’t write about a wound you haven’t healed from.”
I am still raw with mourning about his diagnosis but I also struggle with not telling people about it.
I do not want him to have a lifelong label following him around. But not telling people makes me wonder if he will look back and feel as if I was embarrassed about his diagnosis.
That couldn’t be farther from the truth. I am bursting with pride for my highly intelligent, special, and bright boy, who perseveres and tries his best.
Maybe his story is not mine to tell. Maybe it’s his and I have to let it unfold in his own way.
We have prayed and leaned into God during his diagnosis. When I shared my prayer board back in October it was filled with prayers. Some big prayers for our big God.
I know many of you implemented a prayer board in your homes immediately. I was stopped by Moms in school, and tagged in Facebook posts, showing me how families all over the nation were sticking prayer boards on their refrigerators, in their breakfast rooms, and even in their cars – to remind them to pray during the busyness that is life.
But with this new battle I decided to change the way I approached my prayers.
I erased the entire board. Admittedly the board stayed blank for several days. My sadness made it hard to see where His faithfulness is in all of this.
Instead of a Prayer Board, for now it’s a Praise Board.
He has provided provision.
I have a loving and immensely supportive husband.
I have kind-hearted, Jesus loving, and compassionate children.
He died for our sins.
He is always there and has a plan for us all.
All that I can do during this season is be faithful. Sometimes that is all I have to give. But despite our challenges we will thank HIM and know that his plan is perfect.
Praying for you. I think it took me over a year to not just stop and cry periodically after my child’s diagnosis. Now I’m just thankful that we got a early diagnosis at 4 so we could make sure we found the right therapies.
Dear Allison,
I have followed your blog for I don’t know how many years. Thank you for all you’ve shared!
I never felt I had something to offer you in return and so I’ve never commented.
Tonight, I read about your precious son and family and the diagnoses I know all too well.
One day, you may become familiar with the phrase”if you’ve met one child on the spectrum, you’ve met one child on the spectrum.” There is so much hope in that as is the fact that each of us is, as you quoted Him “fearfully and wonderfully made.”
It’s been almost 14 years since our son’s diagnosis. We have come so far and we have far to go. I am in AWE of our son! You will be in awe of yours too. I read your post and was taken back to the very moment we learned the “name” of of the “struggles.”
As I read your post, I just wanted to be able to reach out and hug you, to tell you that to remember His plan is for good, to tell you that you are brave and strong and so is your son and that an amazing and supportive community of people is out there to embrace all of you and will help you through. It may take time to find them but you will.
xoxo,
Michele
Allison, as a mother, I know how this diagnosis had to have taken you to a dark pace inside. Your strength is such a wonderful testament to your faith and God’s perfect plan for his life. Your story makes me cry but your faith makes me smile. Love you sweet friend
It’s going to be more than okay. It will change your life, but that’s what God does. You know that Hebrews says that Jesus learned obedience through suffering. Now, we, His underlings, can do this thing! Believe me, autism is its own kind of suffering. My oldest of six is 27 and we are still chuggin’. Hang in there! The future is bright! God promises! Publishing a book next March called, Paul’s Prayers, with Good Books (an imprint of Skyhorse Publishing. You’re added to my Mama prayers. Keep on creating!
Susan Anderson
I knew a lot about God before I entered the valley of the shadow of despair but know I recognize His heartbeat because it became all that I could hear in the darkness and now I know what Love is because I fell into a great pit and Love was there at the end of my fall. I wouldn’t go back or erase that fall because I was transformed by His love.
Beautiful ❤️
God only gives special children to special Moms, because he trusts you and your ability to love, cherish and take care of his/your son. You’re an amazing Mom.
I started a nonprofit organization last year for children with special needs. Check out my website, Paintforchildren.org, Our mission is to make a child smile and brighten up their world through #artist. We plan to open chapter across the US. If your interested in learning more please let me know.
BTW: I loved your Blog Boot Camp. Thanks for sharing your knowledge and great blogs.
Cheryl
Thank you for sharing the part of your story you feel comfortable with. I am struggling with a different “shocker” with our 22 yo. We are in a territory we NEVER imagined we would be in with him. Going from a close family, bright kid, living his passion; to one of ZERO contact and him giving up everything for a girl. Focusing on God and His plan is hard at times. The fear of the unknown, the hurt of no contact, trying to derail the situation as a parent the best you could, but also making mistakes along the way because you are doing the best you can and love this kid unconditionally more than they understand. We have lived with the feeling that our kid has been kidnapped, is out there somewhere, but we don’t know if he is ok. God is (and has been) carrying us through the last 18-24 months, but we are slowly learning to walk again, learning to live again, and accepting a new normal in our life. Not gonna lie, it is still hard some days to remember to rely on Gods plan that we have no idea of, no idea of what is unfolding, just keeping the faith in Him. I share my story, which is now a new testimony, because I have found there are more moms, dads, and siblings out there going through the same struggle. I don’t want them to feel alone. I want them to know God is there and has a plan that we have no idea about.
What a beautiful family and a beautiful post. You absolutely have your priorities and attitude in the right place. Faith and family. You’re going to be just fine.
I wish I knew how to show you the article that appeared in the Houston Chronicle just yesterday! Maybe you saw it in your paper from the wire: “Sesame Street to introduce Julia, a Muppet with autism, in April”
As a religion teacher in my church, I’m working right now with a boy very much like yours. I have to say that I LOOK FORWARD to our time together each week. I pray that you and he will encounter many folks in his life like me who, though not having direct prior experience with non-neuro-typical children, am finding myself loving it!
Just my two-cents
If you haven’t already, check out AutismOklahoma.org. Parents coming together to support each other and exchange information. Some good programming too.
Allison,
How can I not share my thoughts with you. I open your posts expecting to laugh out loud~ not this time. Be mad, Be glad, Be sad, Be You! You have been given the gift of a lifetime. I didn’t say it won’t challenge your family but “to the extent that I know my sorrow, so to shall I know my joy.” We’ve had mighty struggles with our son and I would not trade him, them, or us for the world.
Bless each of you as you travel your road.
You’ve found a very soft place to land in my heart.
Fondly, Cynthia
Having a child with what the world calls a disability is so heartbreaking. At least at first. But with time and education you get past that. Your passion kicks in. The passion to give this child what every child deserves. The ability to preservere and grow into the place this world is holding for them. Best wishes to you and your family and never forget, ” You’ve got a posse girl”.