Right before Christmas our six year old was diagnosed with ADHD and High Functioning Autism.
Devastated doesn’t even begin to describe the range of emotions this has conjured up inside my fragile little mamma heart. I spent most of Christmas break sleeping a lot and trying to acclimate to a new normal.
Sending Axton off to a Christmas party without me gave me a panic attack. This new territory is strange and unchartered for me.
I had a local blogger and friend, Dr. Lisa Marotta, give me some great advice once. She said: “Don’t write about a wound you haven’t healed from.”
I am still raw with mourning about his diagnosis but I also struggle with not telling people about it.
I do not want him to have a lifelong label following him around. But not telling people makes me wonder if he will look back and feel as if I was embarrassed about his diagnosis.
That couldn’t be farther from the truth. I am bursting with pride for my highly intelligent, special, and bright boy, who perseveres and tries his best.
Maybe his story is not mine to tell. Maybe it’s his and I have to let it unfold in his own way.
We have prayed and leaned into God during his diagnosis. When I shared my prayer board back in October it was filled with prayers. Some big prayers for our big God.
I know many of you implemented a prayer board in your homes immediately. I was stopped by Moms in school, and tagged in Facebook posts, showing me how families all over the nation were sticking prayer boards on their refrigerators, in their breakfast rooms, and even in their cars – to remind them to pray during the busyness that is life.
But with this new battle I decided to change the way I approached my prayers.
I erased the entire board. Admittedly the board stayed blank for several days. My sadness made it hard to see where His faithfulness is in all of this.
Instead of a Prayer Board, for now it’s a Praise Board.
He has provided provision.
I have a loving and immensely supportive husband.
I have kind-hearted, Jesus loving, and compassionate children.
He died for our sins.
He is always there and has a plan for us all.
All that I can do during this season is be faithful. Sometimes that is all I have to give. But despite our challenges we will thank HIM and know that his plan is perfect.